Menopause . . . . the Myth!

Now, there may me some of you who think that I could not possibly have anything relavent to say about about the subject of Menopause. I say you are wrong indeed! My qualifications: I have a mother, somewhere over the age of 46.5, and a grandmother somewhere over 49.3 years old. I have also had encounters with many over-the-hill females at my place of work. I even used to have a couple of coworkers who were up in the range. Well, one was prolly only in her early 40's but she acted all menopausal. The other was just an cantankerous old ha- um.. nice lady. :-) Gotta respect the elders now.

First, let us define this little three syllable riot starter. "Meno" is from the Gaelic term for "minus" - or "lacking," if you will. The second half of the word, pause, is Latin for "suspension." Put these two together and you get the definition: The lacking of the mind and suspension of logical thought.

Despite the literal definition, this affliction is widely identified by the symptoms. Lets us list but a few: hot flashes, cold flashes, flashes in general, and flushes (??). Also: aching and sore muscles, joints and tendons; itchy, crawly skin; dizziness and weight gain. Here are some more: irritibility, depression, sudden bouts of bloat, anxiety, crashing fatique, mood swings, and trouble sleeping. I have saved the best symptoms for last: dry vagina, incontinence, loss of libido, disturbing memory lapses, breast tenderness, hair loss, increase in facial hair, burning tongue, and electric shock sensations. Hmm, that last one may be one of the perks...

Now, correct me if i'm wrong - and I'm sure you will - but doesn't this pretty much describe the female gender at one time or another?? Does anyone not know a woman with at least some of these symptoms at any "stage" of their lives? That's what I thought. I think it just may be possible that "menopause" is another ingenious female invention for getting away with making the lives of men more difficult. So why is it said to be an affliction of older women, when clearly it happens to females of all ages? Who the hell knows?! And I seriously doubt they're depressed about not being able to have kids anymore! They gotta be jumping for joy at such a prospect. Doesn't menopause signify the cessation of the monthly menstrual cycle? I figure that's something to be happy about, for men as well. But nooo, we gotta have this other damned phase, and the bitchiness that came with periods lives on under another guise!

Just take my oh-so-wise advice and just go with the flow when you encounter a menopausal woman. If you're male, you really wanna say, "oh puleeze! Stop yer damn whining!" But don't do this. Instead, feign sympathy and say "I'm so sorry you're not feeling well. Here, have some ice cream." Then count your blessings - you still have cable TV.